By: Elliott Pratt
With his legs crossed, rocking back and forth on the porch swing set up in his sunroom and the new family puppy at his feet, Bill Wade reflected on dying.
Bill spent his 11 years as the Shepherding Pastor at Living Hope helping people to prepare for the very reality he was facing. Five months before this warm September morning at he and his wife Dianne’s home, Bill was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer and a short timeline. That shrinking window allowed him to effectively model the very mission he told church elders he wanted to accomplish when he took his last ministry assignment in Bowling Green: Teach people to die well.
Embracing his call to care for church members in seasons of grief and suffering meant helping them face the inevitable appointment of physical death with peace and confidence. Dying well means trusting the promise of eternal life with God in Heaven by turning from your sin and trusting God’s gift of salvation through faith in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Living with hope of a promised future means living with peaceful confidence in the present, no matter what happens. Even if it means you’re given just a few more months to live.
Just a few weeks after that early autumn morning on September 29, 2022, Bill died well. While his mind and body still had strength and stamina to carry a thoughtful and reflective dialogue, Bill pondered suffering, relationships, ministry, and, yes, dying.
“I hope this is helpful,” Bill said.
“It will be one day,” I said.
The following is my recorded conversation with a man at peace with death because of his confidence in Christ. On the two-year mark of his home-going, Bill’s purpose to help people die well by encouraging them to live well is the heartbeat behind this conversation.
Always a student of life, I ask Bill what he’s learning about life when you know it’s almost over.
“I’ve learned the past several months how important people are,” Bill said. “That’s typically where we give the least amount of energy and time. I’m learning that there are people who are your friends no matter how much time you spend with them or not. Years can pass, miles between you and they’ll always be your friends and you’ll be surprised at the level of depth that friendship can have.
“The calls and texts and emails I’ve gotten have been from people you just didn’t realize you had an impact on. That’s been really comforting to know: when you didn’t think you were effective, God was effective. That’s been a nice reflection. If I had to do something over again, I would spend more time building relationships because at the end of it all, that’s what’s left. It’s not the positions or accolades, I think I would spend more time with people and not worry about other stuff so much.
“Developing disciples is slow. I would intentionally put on my calendar to be with people. Maybe it’s coffee, the park, the office or wherever, but I would spend it doing this. I spent the first five years of ministry chasing connections and going to conferences, trying to position myself to be close to certain people, but I was so dissatisfied. So I just said I’m going to focus on what God wants me to do, which is to please him and not man.”
Throughout out his pondering, Bill slowly shakes his head in bewilderment. He isn’t naive to the reality that his dwindling days are opportunities to still enjoy sacred time with his family and still do ministry, even if it meant turning his living room or back porch into his church office because he doesn’t have the stamina to leave the house.
Bill saw it all as God’s kindness to prepare him for what was next.
“I don’t know what I felt when I learned I was facing death, but I’m really pleased that God allowed me to do it this way,” Bill said. “There’s never been any fear or doubt. I know people have emotions and I’m not saying that’s wrong. People have been angry. Grief is natural. But I’ve never faced it and I think part of it is the gospel coming to life. Everything God has promised in Scripture is going to be played out in my life. It’s coming. When you’re leaving people you care about and this life is all I’ve ever known you think, ‘I don’t know what’s ahead but gosh if it’s better than this I can’t comprehend it.’”
The end of Bill’s life wasn’t without its pain. Cancer transformed Bill’s body in ways he thought both humorous and sad. Those who understood Bill’s humor – actually, more like endured his humor – saw him laugh about his psoriasis going away with chemotherapy, but sigh at his physical frailness.
The darkest days Bill experienced came during his one round of chemo treatments. But even in the darkness, Bill said he felt the unwavering presence of God.
“It was just so dark,” Bill said. “I had no feeling or emotion. I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel hope. I didn’t feel joy. I didn’t feel anything positive or negative. There was this knowledge that didn’t bring comfort, but there was this knowledge that God was there with me. I wasn’t alone. I didn’t feel a peace or comfort in it, nor joy or fear, but it was just this knowledge that God was there.
“So, maybe that is the peace that surpasses all understanding. Maybe that is the comfort that God brings. Maybe that is, ‘though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.’ Even though I am dying. It sure was a dark place. After that, the Bill I knew I was before chemo came back quickly. The one with hope, humor and love I had for others.”
That darkness helped Bill enjoy the days he had left. He understood the reality of Psalm 90, which teaches us to be wise with our numbered days and remain satisfied in God’s love with joy. There was a palpable peace and restful mood being in Bill’s presence this day, as if you were watching in real time the strength of God meeting a man in his weakness.
“I get to enjoy saying things that are meaningful,” Bill said. “It’s been a blessing to my own heart. Somebody said it’s tragic, and it’s really not. How many people get the opportunity to tell them how much they love them. How many get to reconnect with friends and look back at memories of how God has been good.
“I’m learning that death isn’t about the end of life, it’s what you’ve done with your life. The most important part of that is what you’ve done with Jesus Christ because you can face death with a lot of confidence if you choose to because of what Christ has done. I’ve learned that I’ve overlooked blessings. I’ve had an opportunity to think back on my life and see time and time again where God has blessed me. He’s protected me. There are mischievous things I’ve done when I was younger and could’ve gotten in a lot of trouble and things I could’ve done that would’ve disqualified me from ministry, even though I didn’t know at the time I was going to be in ministry. God just protected me. He orchestrated my life.
“I’ve always had an appreciation for what God has done. I would’ve never expected some things he’s done for a guy from Pearl, Mississippi… What would I redo? I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Bill’s passion for the gospel and his belief that people can change was the lifeline of his ministry. To honor his legacy of helping others live with hope, consider giving to the Bill Wade Legacy Fund, which supports the Center for Biblical Counseling, a ministry Bill helped launch that now serves the Bowling Green community with free biblical counseling. (Click here to give)